By Nancy Hayes-Gary, Psy.D.
Pretending is a child’s natural language for playing out problems, worries, and other difficult feelings about themselves and their world. It helps to build social and emotional skills, and even enhances cognitive abilities. While it is easy to pretend with your child when they are little, even elementary aged children and older benefit from this. Probably most importantly, pretending in childhood builds internal resources for working things out using fantasy in adolescence, instead of acting out behaviors.
Until the advent of electronic games, iPods, more homework and many scheduled activities became the norm, the children I saw in play therapy already knew how to pretend. Lately, I am amazed at how little imaginal play kids can enact, and find myself having to teach them to pretend and remind parents of the essential role pretending plays in their child’s development and they can do it safely thanks to Indoor Play Centre Installation that create great spaces for them to play.
As parents, you are probably often overloaded and may not realize the important value of pretending with your child. Children need to play roles, such as princesses/princes, doctors/veterinarians, professional athletes, rock stars, or actors, and wizards. They gain valuable coping skills playing “school” or “house”. When you enter your child’s world and join them in their pretends, you are conveying the message to them that they are significant to you and in their world. Children often feel especially loved and nurtured during these times, and gain self-esteem and confidence that they can be whatever they choose. I know that this may bring up dilemmas of having to set limits on TV, or electronics, and of trying to find the time to work this into your busy schedule, but even twenty minutes of pretending with your child is an investment in their future resources. Some adults find this uncomfortable as they were not played with by their own parents, or they might feel foolish initiating story telling or pretending games with their kids. It can be very gratifying, however, to be invited into their world of pretend.
Ways to help your child get more of this much needed activity is to initiate storytelling, use stuffed animals or a dollhouse as props, bring out costumes or Play Doe, make a fort out of couch cushions and sheets, or draw pictures of various scenarios and talk about them. While it might feel silly at first, I have found that there grows to be a more intimate connection with the child when I pretend with them in therapy. It seems like such a simple thing, however its significance cannot be emphasized enough as one of childhood’s valuable tools. You might find that you really enjoy the pretending time, albeit sometimes it might be repetitive or boring. Encouraging your child to imagine by giving them some of your valuable time will, in my opinion, enhance their resources for contending with all the stressful situations today’s children find themselves faced with. So my recommendation, as someone who has worked with children in therapy for over twenty years, is to access your inner child and join your child in fantasy/pretend play.
