By Nancy Hayes-Gary, Psy.D. There are many reasons why psychotherapy is beneficial to people, but you might wonder how it works, especially if you have never been to see a therapist. Many people have been thinking about going to therapy for a very long time, but are somewhat threatened to make that call to schedule an appointment. Often, things that trouble people have gotten stacked up and are in a crisis mode when they finally decide to attend therapy. When people wait this long, it often leaves them feeling very depressed or anxious, or alone with their worries. Maybe knowing just how therapy works will serve to make that first session a bit easier, and even if you have drinking problems you can also get therapy in a rehab clinic from sites like https://bestrehab.uk/alcohol. You can learn about different types of treatment by visiting this website: https://www.addictiontreatmentrehab.co.uk/cost/luxury-rehab/merseyside/st-helens. Therapy should provide a safe relationship, with confidentiality and trust. Confidentiality is both a legal and ethical law, requiring the therapist to keep all communications private, unless someone will be harmed from doing so i.e. suicide or homicide. Obviously, this type of relationship takes time to form and involves a good “fit”. This means that you feel comfortable with the therapist’s personality, skills, and approach. At the beginning of therapy, you may have to let the therapist know if they are saying or doing something that is making it difficult for you. Usually, the first few sessions involve evaluating your concerns and coming up with a joint plan for treating these together. It is often a relief to a person to recognize that their symptoms are, in fact, treatable. Trust comes more slowly to some people than others, especially if you have felt betrayed or hurt in your previous relationships. Ways of learning to trust your therapist can involve determining whether the things she says or does seem to convey understanding and empathy about what you are saying, and is she working to provide a supportive atmosphere for exploration and change. The therapy relationship should relatively quickly evolve into an empathic, honest, and close relationship in which you can have the luxury of...
Read MoreTrauma and Dissociation
By Nancy Hayes-Gary, Psy.D. Almost everyone has some type of traumatic experience during their lifetime, and these can be anything that creates recurring sad or angry feelings or ruminating thoughts recollecting the event. Childhood traumas range from sexual, physical, or emotional abuse or neglect, divorce, loss of a parent, and alcoholism in the family, so services for Addiction Rehab is necessary. Since these occur early in development, they tend to have a more pervasive traumatic effect, often resulting in problems in relationships or identity. There are certainly plenty of traumas that adults experience as well. Divorce, traumatic illness, or death of a loved one are common examples. Some people have intense experiences like traumatic car accidents, rape, or robbery/muggings that cause them to have resulting traumatic symptoms. Symptoms that can result from trauma are varied. Most commonly people may experience intense fearfulness, anger, depression, or anxiety related to the trauma. Sometimes PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) can develop, either directly after the traumatic event or years later. This disorder brings with it symptoms that can have a difficult impact on many areas of life. People with PTSD sometimes have flashbacks, intrusive thoughts or pictures in their heads, of the incident, and they may have emotional numbing or intensely charged feelings. Complex PTSD can even cause problems tolerating closeness in a relationship or low self-esteem. Following an extremely traumatic car accident, a patient came to me with severe depression, sleep disruption, nightmares, and flashbacks, and she had begun to completely socially withdraw. Following ten months of trauma therapy, she was completely symptom-free and able to move on with her life. The important thing to remember, aside from the fact that the trauma was not your fault, is that trauma is successfully treated in therapy, and it is possible to alleviate the negative effects discussed above. Dissociation is a defense used by many survivors of trauma. It is a sort of “blanking out” experience, where the person tries to protect himself/herself from the traumatic experience by “leaving the body”; that is separating the awareness of the event from one’s consciousness or memory. There are varying degrees of dissociation from a slight blurring...
Read MoreHow to Choose a Therapist
How to Choose a Therapist By Nancy Hayes-Gary, Psy,D. Initially, it can appear to be a daunting task to select the right therapist for you. There are many to chose from, and their profiles usually sound pretty good, don’t they? If you have already been in therapy, you have the advantage of knowing what worked for you in the way of therapist style, personality, approach and the like,..and probably what didn’t work, Regardless, it is usually a good idea to start off with a list of what you know you want. Is it important that the therapist be male or female, older or younger, or of one type of approach or another. Some people just know that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is right for them, while others who want to work more on identity or relationships may prefer an object relations therapist. After brainstorming your list of criteria, scour the web, as many therapists have web sites and directory listings that provide a good deal of information about them. It is not a bad idea to choose two therapists to start with, and schedule two consultation sessions to ascertain which might offer the best fit for you. Probably the most important question to keep in mind is what it will be like to be in a close relationship with this person, and initial consults can assist with this rather intangible element. Come to these sessions armed with a list of your questions, such as how much experience the therapist has with your particular concern, or with treating children/adolescents if you are a parent pursuing this search. Therapists should be glad to take the time to address your questions and concerns with data about themselves like education, training, experience, and style of work. Pragmatically, you need to know if your scheduling needs can be accommodated, and whether you are limited to an insurance network of therapists, or have benefits allowing you to choose whoever you want as an out-of-network provider. Having said all this, it probably boils down to “trusting your gut sense” of whom is the best choice for you. This is an important investment of your time,...
Read MoreFive Things Every Good Therapist Should Teach You
By Nancy Hayes-Gary,Psy.D. No matter why you choose to go to therapy, there are some things that almost everyone can benefit from working on and learning. That’s why self-help books are so popular. However as simple as the things I am going to discuss may sound, they usually require hard work and some assistance and support along the way. While the below issues may seem like “common sense”, I find that they generally improve the quality of a person’s life, relationships, and self-esteem/confidence. So, here goes—my 5 universally helpful therapeutic areas of focus: 1. Learn to empathize with yourself like you would probably do with your best friend. Self-empathy means that you treat yourself with respect and kindness. Especially when things go wrong, or you make a mistake, the dialog in your head should go like this – “I may have messed up but I am still a good, competent person”, or “Things may not be good right now, but I believe in myself in that I am able to change and make them better”. This kind of self talk is quite different from the kind that often runs through one’s head, such as “What’s wrong with me. I always mess up; I must be stupid” or “Don’t bother trying to fix these problems as I’ll probably fail anyway”. Internal dialog may have been conditioned from childhood, if your parents were critical or perfectionistic, or originate from negative experiences or trauma throughout your life, but it is changeable in therapy. First, you need to recognize any automatic negative thought processes you may have, then move on to create more empathic, affirming ones. A patient of mine once put the positive thoughts she was trying to learn on index cards, and carried them around with her, taking them out every so often to rehearse. It really works! Wouldn’t you like to regard yourself more positively, and have helpful, supportive thoughts when things get rough? 2. Give up the habit of investing in what others think of you. You can’t control this anyway, and people often find when they try to be “people pleasers” they lose the sense of their real...
Read MoreEnhance Your Child’s Development By Pretending
By Nancy Hayes-Gary, Psy.D. Pretending is a child’s natural language for playing out problems, worries, and other difficult feelings about themselves and their world. It helps to build social and emotional skills, and even enhances cognitive abilities. While it is easy to pretend with your child when they are little, even elementary aged children and older benefit from this. Probably most importantly, pretending in childhood builds internal resources for working things out using fantasy in adolescence, instead of acting out behaviors. Until the advent of electronic games, iPods, more homework and many scheduled activities became the norm, the children I saw in play therapy already knew how to pretend. Lately, I am amazed at how little imaginal play kids can enact, and find myself having to teach them to pretend and remind parents of the essential role pretending plays in their child’s development and they can do it safely thanks to Indoor Play Centre Installation that create great spaces for them to play. As parents, you are probably often overloaded and may not realize the important value of pretending with your child. Children need to play roles, such as princesses/princes, doctors/veterinarians, professional athletes, rock stars, or actors, and wizards. They gain valuable coping skills playing “school” or “house”. When you enter your child’s world and join them in their pretends, you are conveying the message to them that they are significant to you and in their world. Children often feel especially loved and nurtured during these times, and gain self-esteem and confidence that they can be whatever they choose. I know that this may bring up dilemmas of having to set limits on TV, or electronics, and of trying to find the time to work this into your busy schedule, but even twenty minutes of pretending with your child is an investment in their future resources. Some adults find this uncomfortable as they were not played with by their own parents, or they might feel foolish initiating story telling or pretending games with their kids. It can be very gratifying, however, to be invited into their world of pretend. Ways to help your child get more of this much needed...
Read MoreContact Me
